Not having a job right now, I had to go and sign on again down Barry. The Welsh guys Dave, Gav, Hitch and Nicky were planning on leaving for Newcastle earlyish so I had to take my stuff with me to the Job Centre. The woman there was quite helpful and I was out in 10 minutes, ready to go and meet the guys. They were all at Dave's house with Ben playing on Guitar Hero 3. Nicky kept saying 'you guys realise I'm not actually going' and he also kept laughing, so I knew he was playing the old I'm-not-going joke, that, whilst being a joke, is actually serious.
So we wasted about 2 hours walking down to Nicky's procrastinating, culminating in a half hour wait outside Nicky's house for him to get his stuff together for the trip I don't think he ever intended on going on. At least Dave and Gav were on hand to amuse, as Dave promptly locked Gav in a full nelson and started humping him vigourously. Coupled with Gav's hat slipping down making him look like an actual cancer patient, it was a sight that had me and Hitch in stitchs. Then Gav started doing sock puppets behind the wall outside Nicky's, also trying to hang himself off a telephone mast with a wrist wrap. Dave then got annoyed with Nicky and decided it was time to leave, he wasn't in a good mood for a while.
We went to Cardiff at about 5pm, and they got the supplies to make Sex on the Beach, as Gav had a mixer with him. We got on a train to Birmingham New Street and Dave tried putting the concotion together. After quite a few attempts, apparently they got it spot on as Hitch took a sip and pondered a few moments before saying 'you know what Dave...I think you've done it.' I wasn't in the mood to get drunk so I settled with a few sips of Cranberry juice. At Birmingham we quickly caught the connecting Virgin train to Newcastle. Luckily, especially on a Friday night, we found a table seat for the four of us, unreserved. This is when Dave started to get really pissed, with Gav and Hitch not really drinking at all.
In his inebriated state, Dave was quite bemused with the fact he was the only one getting drunk. He then started getting physical with Gav and was saying that if he ever hits someone he'd let them have a shot back, before headbutting Gav out of his seat. Gav's eye was quite hurt so he nutted Dave back, they were a bit dazed after that. Then Dave was bugging Gav to ask around for a fag for him. He also set one of the juice cartons on fire, causing the conductor to ask him if he was smoking. Dave acted all innocent and vehemently denied any such thing, before shouting at the rest of the carriage that he wasn't impressed with people smoking on the train. Typical Dave.
We got to Newcastle about 11ish, and a guy walked into the station with a full-on replica WWE belt just strapped around his waist. I then spotted a young kid with a WWE program and figured WWE must be doing a show in Newcastle that night, on their European tour. We got a taxi to the cheap Metro hotel, formerly known as Formulae 1. We went into Alex's room for a bit, which was housing at the time, Alex, Chris Goodwin, Rob Darby, Ross and Katie. It was cool to see Katie again, and we were up to our usual jokes within no time. The Welshies went to Tescos but I stayed there to watch Balls of Steel with my favourite, Militant Black Guy. Actually the man.
We went to bed soon after, I was in one of the tiny rooms with Dave and slept on the top bunk. I had quite a cold night's sleep with just this crappy sheet thing. There was also a woolly kinda thing but it made my chest bad so it was quite a restless night.
Saturday
I think Ross woke us up, saying that we all had to be at the leisure centre for 10am to help setup everything. So we got a taxi over there and entered the hall around the back entrance. It looked quite different from the previous times I'd been there, as the net was drawn back so the whole hall was in view. The skeleton of the ring had been set up in the middle, with a few boards in the corner for the entrance way. Beyond the entranceway was a door to our makeshift locker room which in actuality was part of the gym facillities, housing the treadmills. Farrell was bouncing around the place as usual speaking to everyone and sorting out 20 different things at once. Me and Katie spent most of this time joking around and then in came Ross...Switchy. Hitch cracked me up as he turned to Gav and mentioned how ugly he looked clean shaven.
I asked the crowd if they wanted me to go higher, which went down well, so I climbed to the second rope and dove off with a pretty nice elbow thankfully(the past few times I've tried one, they've been terrible). Then I noticed inbetween the mats, a 50 pence piece. The same 50 pence piece I'd lost out of my pocket planning earlier, damn! I had a match to do so we carried on and Alex caught me off guard with a catapault into the ringpost. We then exchanged a few big moves in the ring, culminating in Alex's new finisher the Cross Arm Bomb. I kicked out so he went to hit me with it off the top rope, and in a flashback from Britfest once again, I reversed it and managed, thankfully, to hit the Kudo Driver off the second rope. It really felt like I'd deited him, moreso than Britfest. I went for the cover and asked under my breath if he was okay. 'Fine.' was the reply as the ref counted to three. I got a pretty good reaction for winning and walked back to the locker room quite happy with the match.
Then Ross faced Stevo in a pretty cool match, before the big main event, Dave Vs. Farrell. I really enjoyed the match, especially being up and close with it being a proper crowd setup and whatnot. The match was pretty simple and just worked really well, it was excellent and saw Farrell being more on form than usual. In the end, the nWo interfered and Lance Thunder came to Steve's rescue taking the nWo out. Steve then beat Dave with the FIGAH FOUR LEG LOCK, winning the match, the hometown hero. He loved it. Woooo'ing his way across the ring celebrating with Lance Thunder. It was a nice moment, because I knew it meant everything to Farrell and could tell he was a bit emotional at it all.
Then the whole NAW roster came out and the show finished with the kids coming up to the ring for more autographs and things. All in all it went really well and was a great experience. I still haven't seen my match back yet, but Alex said it was his favourite of ours for being fun and easy, so that's really cool. The ring guys packed it all up and we went into the locker room to get our stuff together. For some reason, Katie thought it would be a good idea to just jump onto a treadmill going full whack. It forced her off her feet, crashing onto her knees, then straight onto her face which bounced off the treadmill as the rest her got thrown into the wall. Definitely an Oh Dear moment, the silly arse. Gladly she was alright though, but got ribbed quite a bit, as usual.
I think Ross woke us up, saying that we all had to be at the leisure centre for 10am to help setup everything. So we got a taxi over there and entered the hall around the back entrance. It looked quite different from the previous times I'd been there, as the net was drawn back so the whole hall was in view. The skeleton of the ring had been set up in the middle, with a few boards in the corner for the entrance way. Beyond the entranceway was a door to our makeshift locker room which in actuality was part of the gym facillities, housing the treadmills. Farrell was bouncing around the place as usual speaking to everyone and sorting out 20 different things at once. Me and Katie spent most of this time joking around and then in came Ross...Switchy. Hitch cracked me up as he turned to Gav and mentioned how ugly he looked clean shaven.
Alex was tinkering away with his camera filming stuff for his uni project, so I left him alone for a while. The ring didn't look to have much give as the guys who owned it were setting it up. Only with a few thin mats over the wood, leaving a fair bit of the apron unprotected and solid wood, we were all dubious as to how stiff this thing was going to be bumping on. I was quite wary of it and a little disappointed at how saggy the ropes were, this surely meant my end spot would have to be changed. But the woman who was with the ring guys assured me they would tighten the ropes up, which they did, so it was okay in the end. We all got into the ring when it was ready and checked it out, ran the ropes a little and measured it up a bit.
Around 1 o'clock, the crowd was being let in so we all went into the locker room area. Me and Alex had planned a few things for the match, and I was confident we could put together a good match by relying on stuff we knew we could do well. Soon we were ready to start the show, and Farrell's music blared out on the speaker system. He walked out with a big WOOO and I remember the reaction being distinctly average, perhaps it was from where I was standing, but the crowd seemed pretty dead. Then Rob Darby, who was the event's announcer, in a snazzy suit inside the ring, introduced Ashley Dunn the NAW champ. But there was a problem with the music and there was an uncomfortable silence for about 2 minutes. It didn't look to be going too well and I had a sinking feeling the show wouldn't be much good, thankfully I was wrong.
The first match saw Dan Van Virtigo go against Chris Goodwin and the crowd seemed to be livening up a bit. I went into the toilets and got ready for the match, trying to psyche myself up a bit, which never works. I felt quite nervous for the first time in a while, went through a few last points with Alex and got ready to make my entrance. Alex went out first with a few boo's and I waited for my music. It came on and I stepped out enthusiastically, trying out my new face character, perhaps more over the top than usual to try and get a reaction from the crowd. It seemed to work and I got quite a nice ovation for someone they knew fuck all about. We started the match quickly and started out with some technical stuff, a stark contrast from our past 2 or 3 matchs which were all heated brawls.
I was quite conscious of two things in the first few minutes of the match. 1, I was gassed out already and struggling to catch a breath and 2, it felt like we were losing the crowd a bit. I remember noticing Katie out of the corner of my eye trying to get a chant going for me, bless. Luckily though, my brief comeback seemed to go down well, so I got a bit of confidence back and we went for the old cactus clothesline out of the ring. It seemed to go perfectly like Britfest, and I saw Alex fly to the outside and hit the mats pretty hard. I kept hearing the kids shout 'go to the top rope!' which fit in quite well with the next planned spot, an elbow drop. I pointed to the ring post and the they shouted their approval so I jumped up onto the first rope.
I asked the crowd if they wanted me to go higher, which went down well, so I climbed to the second rope and dove off with a pretty nice elbow thankfully(the past few times I've tried one, they've been terrible). Then I noticed inbetween the mats, a 50 pence piece. The same 50 pence piece I'd lost out of my pocket planning earlier, damn! I had a match to do so we carried on and Alex caught me off guard with a catapault into the ringpost. We then exchanged a few big moves in the ring, culminating in Alex's new finisher the Cross Arm Bomb. I kicked out so he went to hit me with it off the top rope, and in a flashback from Britfest once again, I reversed it and managed, thankfully, to hit the Kudo Driver off the second rope. It really felt like I'd deited him, moreso than Britfest. I went for the cover and asked under my breath if he was okay. 'Fine.' was the reply as the ref counted to three. I got a pretty good reaction for winning and walked back to the locker room quite happy with the match.
When Alex came back, Stevo was there and dropped to his knees("Awesome!"). I then had that cool feeling of no pressure and being able to just watch the rest of the show. I missed the next couple of matchs when I went to get a drink, a little boy stopped me in the hall and asked me to sign his foam finger. I was a little taken aback and wondered why he'd asked me of all people. I soon found out when I went upstairs that they were asking all the wrestlers as Dave was standing by the window, surrounding by kids signing his name. Switchy turned up and a kid asked if he was a wrestler.
"Are you one of the wrestlers?"
"Yer I am."
"Are you wrestling today like?"
"No."
"Oh..."*walks off*
"Yer I am."
"Are you wrestling today like?"
"No."
"Oh..."*walks off*
At the interval, all the kids came towards the ring and the wrestlers came out to sign things and take pictures. I was swamped by kids asking me to sign everything, take pictures the lot. I then turned to Katie and couldn't believe it, she let Ashley Dunn write on her arm...bad move. Katie had 'I <3> Cock on here arm for the rest of the day...
Then Ross faced Stevo in a pretty cool match, before the big main event, Dave Vs. Farrell. I really enjoyed the match, especially being up and close with it being a proper crowd setup and whatnot. The match was pretty simple and just worked really well, it was excellent and saw Farrell being more on form than usual. In the end, the nWo interfered and Lance Thunder came to Steve's rescue taking the nWo out. Steve then beat Dave with the FIGAH FOUR LEG LOCK, winning the match, the hometown hero. He loved it. Woooo'ing his way across the ring celebrating with Lance Thunder. It was a nice moment, because I knew it meant everything to Farrell and could tell he was a bit emotional at it all.
Then the whole NAW roster came out and the show finished with the kids coming up to the ring for more autographs and things. All in all it went really well and was a great experience. I still haven't seen my match back yet, but Alex said it was his favourite of ours for being fun and easy, so that's really cool. The ring guys packed it all up and we went into the locker room to get our stuff together. For some reason, Katie thought it would be a good idea to just jump onto a treadmill going full whack. It forced her off her feet, crashing onto her knees, then straight onto her face which bounced off the treadmill as the rest her got thrown into the wall. Definitely an Oh Dear moment, the silly arse. Gladly she was alright though, but got ribbed quite a bit, as usual.
In the night we all went to the Metro Centre and to Big Luke's the annual Newcastle tradition. All you can eat, yet this time + Switchy. Dan was cracking me up with his observations of Switchy getting food 'he may aswell pull a chair up to the buffet!' He actually had his plate piled up so high sausages were falling off as he went back to his seat. Billy was like 'I'd eat Killswitch under the table'. About an hour later, everyone was finished and Billy looked down the table in amazement '...why is he still eating?!' Ross was there, literally DRINKING a bowl of ice cream. We all winded him up asking if he was joining the fire service, another one of Farrell's realllly random jokes. However this time he didn't just respond to teasing by doing the infamous Mutley laugh, he actually snapped bellowing 'FUCK YU! and FUCK YU! You're DEED!' It seems that Nathan was getting good chip mileage out of Big Luke's which Dan noticed naturally.
After this we went around the Metro Centre a bit and just didn't do anything for ages, untill Farrell and Ty left. We went up to the pub where Billy, Ross, Dave and Katie had gone. They were all drinking jugs of cocktails and Ross was getting hammered. I was really tired and worn out by that point, and was getting increasingly exasperated by their constant ripping of Katie. At that point I really didn't understand why she just lets them say that stuff to her. Then we went back to the hotel and I just went straight to bed, this time making sure the heating was on. Big mistake. I woke up in the early hours, Billy and Dave were now asleep on the double below me, and it was BOILING. I actually just stripped completely, it was horrible. I had to turn it off at about 6am, I was gonna die.
Sunday
I woke up and noticed Billy had opened the window, thank God. Hitch was at our door at 9am saying 'we have to leave.' I had no idea we were leaving so early, but Dave wanted to be back for 4:20...like that was gonna happen. So we got ready and waited for our taxis. Katie was in the shower for aggges so we never got a chance to say goodbye to her, which was a shame and she seemed a little annoyed when she texted me. We got to the train station and caught a train pretty much straight away. It stopped in some random station though, as there was problems down the trainline. So we got a train to Derby which was packed so we had to stand by the shop. We passed the time by stroking Hitch's beard and he kept twitching it was actually hilarious. Dave then scratched him behind the ear and one of us said he's like a cat.
Thus, Catman was born. Every joke you can think of was henceforth utilised, much to the passengers amusement. Hitch wasn't fazed much though, which shows how good of a sport he is. He got a Cardiff train from Derby and had fun ringing up Prob and asking what Pokemon best reflects himself. We then played the whole Benny Hill theme tune down the phone to him and we started cracking up when he wasn't hanging up, towards the end of the song he started humming along. The funniest man. A stuffy bitch next to us asked if we were gonna be quiet, causing other people to complain about us, which we just laughed at really and started playing word association, revolving around Hitch saying 'swallows'. Then Gav said HUGE DICK to which I replied 'Black Man?' They all gasped and looked the other way as I noticed a token right next to me, how could I not have noticed...but I realised that I didn't actually care. We got home quite earlier but Dave missed 4:20, sad times.
Me and Dave got a taxi back to Penarth and I went back to my Dad's to chill out for a bit. Spoke to Katie on the phone for a bit and went home for a lonnng sleep. So a pretty funnn weekend altogether, I enjoyed it very much. The show went down well and the leisure centre people asked Farrell if we would do another show in August so hopefully that'll be happening and we'll get to do it again. Anyway, I better round up this epic piece of text, perhaps with a HUGELY funny picture?
Luke
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